“The Fairly Reasonable Bucket List of a Person with Little Reason,” by Tricia Psarreas Murray

Jul 26, 2015

1. Buy a bucket
   • Fill my bucket with tasks I must complete before I figuratively kick the bucket
     • Try not to literally kick the bucket
2. Find a real everlasting gobstopper
3. Put a tracking device on Waldo
4. Convince insurance companies to offer 365 free apples with all health plans
   • Void copays if an apple a day does not, in fact, keep the doctor away
5. Spend a week speaking with nothing but clichés
6. Teach an old dog new tricks
7. Find the Fountain of Youth
   • Fill it with green food coloring
     • Convince the natives that it’s contaminated
8. Reclaim all the socks my dryer has eaten
9. Enforce the mandatory use of name tags at events where I’m likely to forget people’s names
10. Open a restaurant with a separate seating area for vegetarians
11. Hire a male maid to polish my bucket
    • Refer to my maid as my man servant
      • Have my man servant accept his title with pride
12. Listen to WHAM! for 24 hours straight and see what happens
13. Prove that when used correctly, procrastination is a superpower
14. Bite a shark
15. Invent a time machine and place it in a busy elevator
16. Learn to play the maracas
    • Train my neighbors to instinctively form a Conga line whenever I practice
17. Make people who do not follow politics choose their political parties through a game of craps
18. Rename bunt cakes huge donuts
19. Write an internationally bestselling novel
    • Learn more languages so I can recognize my own book
20. Change the final round of American Idol to a game of rock, paper, scissors
21. Cheer up conspiracy theorists by placing garden gnomes on their porches while they sleep
22. Play Ouija without cheating
23. Receive an honorary Ph.D. from Harvard on the merit of being wicked awesome
24. Travel to Ireland
    • Meet a short Irish man
      • Call him my leprechaun
        • Take his pot of gold
25. Hide said pot of gold in my polished bucket

Image Credit: © kamenuka / Dollar Photo Club