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“The Fairly Reasonable Bucket List of a Person with Little Reason,” by Tricia Psarreas Murray

Bucket sketch

  1. Buy a bucket
    • Fill my bucket with tasks I must complete before I figuratively kick the bucket
      • Try not to literally kick the bucket
  2. Find a real everlasting gobstopper
  3. Put a tracking device on Waldo
  4. Convince insurance companies to offer 365 free apples with all health plans
    • Void copays if an apple a day does not, in fact, keep the doctor away
  5. Spend a week speaking with nothing but clichés
  6. Teach an old dog new tricks
  7. Find the Fountain of Youth
    • Fill it with green food coloring
      • Convince the natives that it’s contaminated
  8. Reclaim all the socks my dryer has eaten
  9. Enforce the mandatory use of name tags at events where I’m likely to forget people’s names
  10. Open a restaurant with a separate seating area for vegetarians
  11. Hire a male maid to polish my bucket
    • Refer to my maid as my man servant
      • Have my man servant accept his title with pride
  12. Listen to WHAM! for 24 hours straight and see what happens
  13. Prove that when used correctly, procrastination is a superpower
  14. Bite a shark
  15. Invent a time machine and place it in a busy elevator
  16. Learn to play the maracas
    • Train my neighbors to instinctively form a Conga line whenever I practice
  17. Make people who do not follow politics choose their political parties through a game of craps
  18. Rename bunt cakes huge donuts
  19. Write an internationally bestselling novel
    • Learn more languages so I can recognize my own book
  20. Change the final round of American Idol to a game of rock, paper, scissors
  21. Cheer up conspiracy theorists by placing garden gnomes on their porches while they sleep
  22. Play Ouija without cheating
  23. Receive an honorary Ph.D. from Harvard on the merit of being wicked awesome
  24. Travel to Ireland
    • Meet a short Irish man
      • Call him my leprechaun
        • Take his pot of gold
  25. Hide said pot of gold in my polished bucket

About the Author:

Tricia Psarreas Murray is a ghostwriter who has decided to burn her invisibility cloak after writing 23 books, hundreds of articles, and thousands of reviews for a myriad of visible clients. She specializes in fantasy, humor, and ridiculousness, three things you can always find at www.facebook.com/trish.p.murray

Image Credit: © kamenuka / Dollar Photo Club

Call for submissions: flash fiction

The Conium Review Online Compendium seeks flash fiction submissions. The current reading period runs from April 1st to June 1st, 2015. We want stories under 1,000 words that take risks. We publish plenty of paragraphed prose, but we like seeing oddball forms too: fiction written as lists, chat logs, bank statements, court transcripts, or whatever else you cook up.

Full submission guidelines are available here.

To get a better sense of what we’re looking for, take a look at some of our recently posted stories.